Can I bother you for Change?

Changing Times Changing Minds 

Let’s talk about personal change and relationships. We all have unique and specific traits developed from life experiences that shape our perspectives and desires from a young age. It defines us.

We were forming the basis for a powerful combination of compulsions and expectations reflecting how we act today, accounting for our varying expressions, rationale, or personal accountability.  It also influences the criteria and parameters of our relationships.

In other words, everything we have experienced contributes to some fluctuating degree of how we view life and what we become. Subsequently, it directs our behavior from the beginning of our life’s interactions, whether conscious of this fact or not.

Consequently, we learn by what we were taught or by what we were exposed to etched as accumulating experiences.  Even if these are shared experiences, they can never be perceived or imitated identically. The parts and participants are different. However, the expectations and projections often remain similar to the initial impression.

Our core integrity and identity evolve from our impressions as instructions of emulation. It even prevents us from being free to disengage or be open to change, being hostage to the psychological impressions of unwanted occupying depictions. Instead, we are compelled to imitate or resist replicating these influences as being preferred or not.

Don’t get me wrong; everything is not subject to negotiations or change, either governed by choice or compulsion. But, of course, we have our standards and will defend them because changing sometimes is not an easy task, especially if unaware.

From the restrictive lens in the confines of our “learned knowledge” and “limited experiences” specific to our influences, the standard is established by which we project ourselves as well as judge others.  Thus, the inconsistencies appear when we judge others in a manner that we prefer not to be judged.

Judging not the specific actions but the steadfast adherence to a way of being or insistence that another not be a particular way. We should not be caught being guilty of what we accuse others of, should we? By this standard, insisting on change can only be subjective and internally directed. Yet, it is the only change we have control over, and sometimes not even then.

Time may heal wounds, but it also exposes the truth. It most certainly distorts our core perception to shield examination of our predispositions from questioning.  The prior held compulsions from the period they were developed are distorted by time. But, is it in conflict now not accounting for the changes since that time? The need to conceal or deny them provides the answer, in which change is the solution.

After expanding our knowledge and experience, which initially consisted of significant diaper and potty time, we began to build a social rolodex of emotions. It is understandable if children do childish acts of concealment and lack the proper self-control but less so as you age and certainly not as adults.

The passing of time should enhance relationships and not smother their aspirations and possibilities. When sacrificing expression of your core desires through commitments and routines that build boredom, resentment, or limitations for the fulfillment of others, it does you no favors.

Just as they are free or not to express themselves, so are you and vice versa. The even yoke refers to the compatibility of your sincere freedom of expression manifesting authentically with your mate. But, maybe it should be to yourself. Any pretension or incumbrances indicates dissatisfaction and the need for it or you to change since someone else’s change is outside your domain.  

Conversely, as much as you are committed to your way, why can’t someone else be just as committed to their way? Why are their beliefs not just as certain as your commitment to yours? The key is both must be respected and devoid of infringement and must possess acceptance or at least tolerance if necessary. Tolerance is a parallel option to change.

All things change. It is inevitable. But, as time waits on no one, how much time do you have to wait on someone else’s change before bringing about one in yourself? Time is a valuable limited commodity. The young become old, the body’s flexibility is exchanged for flexibility of thought called maturity.

As things evolve, change is going to happen. So why is depletion or deterioration often necessary before a change occurs? The passion you used to feel, the anticipation, and the intoxicating excitement has been dulled by father time and lessened by your surrender to another’s restrictions.

It required complete surrender to acceptance, comfortability, and familiarity with the thrill being gone. It might not be decision-making time, but at least it is evaluation time. Is it your choice, which is fine, or undetected by time dulling of the senses and expectations? Pleasure is what you define it as for yourself, contentment devoid of dormant desires forsaken for complacency. 

Otherwise, it is a compromise of respect or diversion by dissolution. An agreement is not required because an agreement may not be attainable. It then does not require your consent but your submission. Acceptance may be a tolerable solution under the immunity of honesty.

Under a treaty of honesty, without deception or reprisal, primary is the courage to say it or receive it being said. Persuaded to lay bare the requirements of your satisfaction or willingness to satisfy.

Of course, a person can not be expected to meet all your needs and expectations, just as you cannot theirs. However, there is a tipping point where it is no longer fair exchange but robbery. Honesty would then be preferable to expectations begrudgingly met.

The reward for honesty is trust, and the penalty is acceptance of the honesty, not necessarily the conditions. Under this understanding, we only have to agree that you will respect mine as I will respect yours. It is a manageable compromise based upon what you are willing to give and what you are ready to accept that meets each other’s level of acceptance and satisfaction.

Concealment of your core promotes a response toward a masquerade instead of what would satisfy your needs. So, for example, parts of people you think you know very well are hidden from view and not for display shrouded by secrecy, shame, or deceit. The gift is glimpsing their nature and exposing yours protected from a penalty for doing so.

This hidden core either propels or confines but remains a third or fourth party to the relationship. As a result, most actions will hit the projection but miss the target.

Are you adhering to obsolete and antiquated images that form a projection that comforts you while deceiving others? Or maybe it restricts you while comforting others. Do you cling to that which is familiar but of little benefit, a prisoner of expectations?


Are you still guarding the fox hole when the matter has been determined long ago to be no longer contested as to who and what you are? How much time will you trick off pretending while mostly fooling yourself? Acceptance of you starts with you, the same as accountability and responsibility.

Will it be kept one thousand protecting the smothering masquerade or changed to release the unfulfilled real identity and expectations of yourself? Achieving a compromise or change must be directed toward securing a satisfactory outcome for the real problem or fear, your authenticity. You might have to accept their’s as well since the mirror is a projection and a reflection.

The more concessions you receive, the greater level of satisfaction you have. Consequently, what compromises or accommodations are you willing to give in return to maintain that level? Thus, a balance is created by transferring equitable preferences received in exchange for mutual satisfaction.

It is a give-to-get theory, but it may call for change or a willingness to change. Your actions then become a negotiated understanding by your benefit received.

A mutual understanding of this is the motivation to adhere to an acceptable level of conduct to receive the agreed-upon consideration in return. The cost comes in many forms, and payments are accepted in many more forms. The exchange is transactional for that thing you do.

Do you still expect the exchange without providing the value? Is it a stubbornness of expectations that prevents you from producing an exchange that improves the value of your association with each other?

First, let us examine why things might be the way they are or have been to evaluate if logic guided these responses and behaviors or errant emotions and deceit. We can then assess the changes we have control over.

So let us take it back before it goes wrong. Remember when we were motivated to impress a long time ago. As a result, we improved to be more alluring and the best adaptation of ourselves to attract our expectations. Was the change real or deceitful? This creates the very reasons we do the things we do, the why, and how or with whom we do them. 

Time reinforces distortions that magnify and create most insecurities, leading to a voluntary forbearance of our needs based on anticipated returns. Therefore, it builds dissatisfaction while craving a resolution to satisfy the void, the unfulfilled expectation.

It is human nature to feel a deficiency and have a corresponding emotional disposition. Thus, the feeling of lack is embraced as recognition of a void craving greater satisfaction. Accordingly, a desire to the addiction of expectations surrendered may develop.

It requires expressing our very nature to avoid feeling unable to give or maybe unworthy of receiving by refusal to express or reveal ourselves. It flows freely when given purely and is humbling when overflowingly received. This is the nectar illustrating what once was could be restored for just the tiny concession of change.

We must simply realize that the change in the relationship I am referring to is the one with ourselves. The internal influencing the external. Therefore, the changes are the ones we need to make within ourselves, influencing the change in others. However, their evolution may never come.

If they only would have changed have been adjusted as denial to justify our inaction. This blame perspective does not assert accountability over ourselves as the persuasion for others to recognize our value. If not, we can not blame others for the decisions we refuse to make.

A fresh start is frequently needed for rejuvenation or liberation to unleash our uninhibited expression. It requires breaking free from previous masquerades of restrictive expectations and behaviors. It requires making a choice.

Is it cheaper to keep our situations, projections, and perspectives devoid of the joy and exhilaration of self-expression? The beneficial effect on ourselves, others, and the quality of our relationships and life being hostage to an image, an imposter?

The power, control, and responsibility for our feelings or behavior remain our own. Therefore, in addition to being accountable for what we do or fail to do, we must refuse any obligation to be responsible for someone else’s. Instead, are we giving what we are seeking to receive, making a self-assessment to determine what is desirable, and implementing what it requires.

The change we would want the most is probably the one we need to make the most. So, double the improvement, solving two issues with one change.

First, holding ourselves to a standard of determination and perspective to portray ourselves without misconceptions seeking validation from others for their permission to be us. Secondly, our perspective dictates our mood, consequently controlling our mood controls our behavior.

A willingness to change by improving, evolving, growing, reinventing, pursuing, expressing, challenging, and in other words living without self-restricting doubts or perfection.

Accepting our uniqueness and insecurities as an unfinished work in progress reassures the only person we need to convince, and that is us. As humans, we all have limitations, so accept them but improve them.

Like wearing new clothes that make us feel good, a fresh perspective and self-fulfillment can work wonders, and we can wear them every day. But, initially, a shake-up of old self-defeating unfulfilling restrictions has to occur. Much like outdated gear, that has to go, especially if it is a loose fit or, worst, way too restricting.

Be sure not to become the very thing you despise the most and bring dissatisfaction upon yourself by refusing to change. Your level of contentment rests with your adaptability to your environment to attract your desired preferences that reflect your expectations.

Don’t flatter yourself. What is not attractive in others is no more somehow attractive in you. It is a difference between a classic antique and just plain outdated.

Start by eliminating excuses and becoming what you want to be by sacrificing the required effort to become self-fulfilling and authentic. That will be the best relationship you have ever had.

Do not be that person where it is said behind your back, of course, that you are no bed of roses. No matter what, don’t be the biggest problem in your life because you cannot change. Keeping those negative attributes is never cheaper to keep em when you add them up. Bothering to change is much better.

Keep in mind this is not gender-oriented but people-specific, where one size fits all changes. 


Thurston K. Atlas
Creating A Buzz


Time after Time

Wrong time?

Time is a bizarre concept in that we all believe we have an understanding of it based strictly on a clock, calendar, or our aging. It is measured by a standard principle that is shared by everyone and affects everyone equally. What if it does not exist, is not shared the same by everyone, or even affects everyone universally the same?

What if time is a construct of society that the conscious mind quantified to standardize our existence relative to one another or the universe aligned with nature? Seasons change as a matter of nature and can be used as a meter designating the passage of time, but seasons are cyclical, so are they simply repeating, or are they passing?

Can you rush through a day, or does the day drag? As you get older, does it move faster? If you are restricted or in solitary, does it move slower than if you are free and active? The sun and the moon are nature’s clock, and the seasons the calendar on a cyclical rhythm indistinguishable from the previous day or the following day except for the weather.

Time cannot be rewound, paused, or fast-forwarded. It is constant in its progression, never to be recovered. We recognize these intervals in three phases known as the past, present, and future. If only the present existed, would there be a passage of time if the other two did not exist by contrast? By context, time and the present would be constant.

What if time did not exist except as a sequence of the present? If it did exist as a constant, wouldn’t all living things be subjected to the laws of time equally? Time would not make sense when applied to the life of a dog and its aging process. Time can be confusing and very simple, but what is your time worth? Why is someone’s time valued more than another person’s time when it is the same amount of time, strictly as a matter of time?

The conceptual perspective of recurrence may be the only evaluation of time that reflects a passage. Otherwise, there can only be the present. The present is all there is, and all that has been. The future has yet to be told until it becomes the present, no longer being the future. On a grand scale, speed and location alter time while still in that reality’s present state. So, as reality is changes affected by time, time is always experienced as an extension of our current linear reality.

A collection of memories from yesterday originating from a prior present. It has then given way to the current present as the past. The past only exists in our minds as a recollection of memories that no longer exist, but that was at one time the present.

Our existence is a three-dimensional physical existence, and physically you cannot return to the past. It is not a location or destination that you can revisit except in thought recalling a reality which no longer is accessible except by reflection.

The subconscious mind records constantly storing all that has occurred. Specific incidents can be recalled to the present as a thought filtered through the conscious mind, usually altered by our current perspective or a modified memory. It is strongly recommended to not “live in the past” or “beat yourself up over past mistakes” because they cannot be changed, as that time is no longer accessible or alterable.

Amends for “past” aggressions is all that is within our power as in the present reality. The passage of time is not observable only by the effects of its evolution or progression. In theory, the past has nothing to do with the present. In practice, the “past” can dictate the present and the future like a ghostly haunting.

This is due to an improper perspective of the function of time and the proper application of the present. The “past” no longer exists and can only be compared to the present. It is a record in the present relative to what is gone.

The proper focus and application of the present in the evolution of “time” becomes perceived as “past” deeds. The “future” becomes a preparation for a present time presumed to come that’s not yet here.

Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow never comes. When tomorrow comes, it is called today, and the rotation of the present continues no matter how you measure. It then manifests in the present, and when it is no longer present by that measurement, it is gone, even if measured by a second.

The present is where all the magic happens, and the recollections of the presents wasted that regrets live. The present transforms into the past, giving the future its context. Its existence contrasts with what has happened and expectations of what could still happen, the possibilities. The present defines us now, while the “past” defines who we no longer are in our current state.

Our present represents the collective “past” as well as our preparation for our assumptions for the “future.” The free throw you hit yesterday does not help you today, and it does you no good to hit one tomorrow when the game is on the line today.

There is only the present. Preparation is a function of being present today, moving into a position for that present moment when called upon. So, the “future” is present speculation that a present moment will come whereby it will be needed.


Living in the present to improve your existence today washes away losses, regrets, hurts, resentments, and all those things that take up space in our minds.

They restrict us to “past” hardships instead of propelling us to “future” accomplishments. In addition, living in the present eliminates anxiety about the “future.” The “future” has yet to be written and is uncertain, but the present is where the work can only be done to affect the “future” now.

The future is like never neverland, where dreams and fantasies lived out of reach, hoping to manifest into the present one day. The future, similar to the past, also only lives in the aspirations of our minds. Except for the future, you can actually affect it through preparation, or else it just stays in our mind like a cartoon out of reach. Although it does not exist, you can use the present to bring it into existence by doing today what will make it a present reality in the concept of “future” presents.

Exertions of speculation in preparation for the “future” are, in essence, investments for today that will continue to reap benefits in the “future” when it becomes the present. Thus, the present state of being to come is not anxiety-driven anticipation or a calculated expectation, but the proper use and focus of the present producing that desired outcome.

We have been through what has happened in the past, no longer under our control. We have some control over the happenings in the present. The future rests on uncertainty. Any efforts toward any ”future” present can change it while the past is written in stone. The “future” holds promise directly influenced by the present if there is a specific projected “future.”

A strategy put in place now and executed in the present has current benefits that move you closer to your aspiring goals and desires. An enterprising present does your part in having a bright “future.” It is said that time waits on no one but time will not be rushed either, so patience, action, and diligence is the steady path to use time as an ally.

Time has a way of taking its place when the time is right, given that you are prepared when it comes. Time can wait, after all, there is plenty of time, but we have a limited, unknown amount of time. So, it would be wise not to waste it on the past or the future. Instead, live in the present because time only exists in the present.

Time is a commodity that is limited in its duration that can be affected or enhanced but certainly not recouped. They say youth is wasted on the young, but we all had our turn with a youthful time and how we chose to use it. There is always something that could have been done better, not done at all, or just if we knew then what we know now.

The more advanced in years we become, we discover that time is our most precious commodity and an asset to be spent wisely, hopefully not regretting having wasted too many presents. It is funny how present is also described as a gift given without any anticipation of action except gratitude, happiness, and care in its use.

Time and life progression in this physical dimension are inseparable and interchangeable. Time and life are to be fully consumed in the present, as the gift that they are and are not guaranteed. Enjoy them while tasting, smelling, feeling, loving, but surely living while you still can.

Do yourself and your present a favor and eliminate the despair. Despair and anxiety are psychological illusions created and nurtured in our minds regarding the past and the future that wastes the present. We have to dust ourselves off and take inventory because whatever the past was, we survived it physically until we don’t.

It lets us know that we can survive it mentally and emotionally, not surrendering to a struggle within ourselves that only exist in our mind. It is a perspective of hurt from the past or anxiety about the future diminishing the promise of the present. Don’t rob or be robbed of your time. Time is not to be squandered or only to be appreciated when it is short.

As long as you have time, you have a chance. It is up to you as the present is always on your side. As far as dwelling in regrets for time already spent, two tears in a bucket, you don’t have time for that.

The future has yet to come, the past has already gone, and the present is ever-evolving. The context remains unchanged, the obstacles conditional, the change inevitable, but the present always fleeting. But, perhaps, it has come to pass, time after time.

Let me ask you a few questions. Is the thread of time the road to or the destination of manifestation? What if time is a frequency and selectively accessible like a channel?

Is changing reality and thus any alternative perspective of experiences governed by the simultaneous chances of possibilities? Or is time mimicking motion, not a linear acceleration of our progression but of times progression? Is it destiny or fate? Does time move past us or us through time? Is time eternal beyond our ability to measure it?

Remember the gift of TIME, the present, is always your greatest asset!

Thurston K. Atlas

Creating A Buzz