Can I bother you for Change?

Changing Times Changing Minds 

Let’s talk about personal change and relationships. We all have unique and specific traits developed from life experiences that shape our perspectives and desires from a young age. It defines us.

We were forming the basis for a powerful combination of compulsions and expectations reflecting how we act today, accounting for our varying expressions, rationale, or personal accountability.  It also influences the criteria and parameters of our relationships.

In other words, everything we have experienced contributes to some fluctuating degree of how we view life and what we become. Subsequently, it directs our behavior from the beginning of our life’s interactions, whether conscious of this fact or not.

Consequently, we learn by what we were taught or by what we were exposed to etched as accumulating experiences.  Even if these are shared experiences, they can never be perceived or imitated identically. The parts and participants are different. However, the expectations and projections often remain similar to the initial impression.

Our core integrity and identity evolve from our impressions as instructions of emulation. It even prevents us from being free to disengage or be open to change, being hostage to the psychological impressions of unwanted occupying depictions. Instead, we are compelled to imitate or resist replicating these influences as being preferred or not.

Don’t get me wrong; everything is not subject to negotiations or change, either governed by choice or compulsion. But, of course, we have our standards and will defend them because changing sometimes is not an easy task, especially if unaware.

From the restrictive lens in the confines of our “learned knowledge” and “limited experiences” specific to our influences, the standard is established by which we project ourselves as well as judge others.  Thus, the inconsistencies appear when we judge others in a manner that we prefer not to be judged.

Judging not the specific actions but the steadfast adherence to a way of being or insistence that another not be a particular way. We should not be caught being guilty of what we accuse others of, should we? By this standard, insisting on change can only be subjective and internally directed. Yet, it is the only change we have control over, and sometimes not even then.

Time may heal wounds, but it also exposes the truth. It most certainly distorts our core perception to shield examination of our predispositions from questioning.  The prior held compulsions from the period they were developed are distorted by time. But, is it in conflict now not accounting for the changes since that time? The need to conceal or deny them provides the answer, in which change is the solution.

After expanding our knowledge and experience, which initially consisted of significant diaper and potty time, we began to build a social rolodex of emotions. It is understandable if children do childish acts of concealment and lack the proper self-control but less so as you age and certainly not as adults.

The passing of time should enhance relationships and not smother their aspirations and possibilities. When sacrificing expression of your core desires through commitments and routines that build boredom, resentment, or limitations for the fulfillment of others, it does you no favors.

Just as they are free or not to express themselves, so are you and vice versa. The even yoke refers to the compatibility of your sincere freedom of expression manifesting authentically with your mate. But, maybe it should be to yourself. Any pretension or incumbrances indicates dissatisfaction and the need for it or you to change since someone else’s change is outside your domain.  

Conversely, as much as you are committed to your way, why can’t someone else be just as committed to their way? Why are their beliefs not just as certain as your commitment to yours? The key is both must be respected and devoid of infringement and must possess acceptance or at least tolerance if necessary. Tolerance is a parallel option to change.

All things change. It is inevitable. But, as time waits on no one, how much time do you have to wait on someone else’s change before bringing about one in yourself? Time is a valuable limited commodity. The young become old, the body’s flexibility is exchanged for flexibility of thought called maturity.

As things evolve, change is going to happen. So why is depletion or deterioration often necessary before a change occurs? The passion you used to feel, the anticipation, and the intoxicating excitement has been dulled by father time and lessened by your surrender to another’s restrictions.

It required complete surrender to acceptance, comfortability, and familiarity with the thrill being gone. It might not be decision-making time, but at least it is evaluation time. Is it your choice, which is fine, or undetected by time dulling of the senses and expectations? Pleasure is what you define it as for yourself, contentment devoid of dormant desires forsaken for complacency. 

Otherwise, it is a compromise of respect or diversion by dissolution. An agreement is not required because an agreement may not be attainable. It then does not require your consent but your submission. Acceptance may be a tolerable solution under the immunity of honesty.

Under a treaty of honesty, without deception or reprisal, primary is the courage to say it or receive it being said. Persuaded to lay bare the requirements of your satisfaction or willingness to satisfy.

Of course, a person can not be expected to meet all your needs and expectations, just as you cannot theirs. However, there is a tipping point where it is no longer fair exchange but robbery. Honesty would then be preferable to expectations begrudgingly met.

The reward for honesty is trust, and the penalty is acceptance of the honesty, not necessarily the conditions. Under this understanding, we only have to agree that you will respect mine as I will respect yours. It is a manageable compromise based upon what you are willing to give and what you are ready to accept that meets each other’s level of acceptance and satisfaction.

Concealment of your core promotes a response toward a masquerade instead of what would satisfy your needs. So, for example, parts of people you think you know very well are hidden from view and not for display shrouded by secrecy, shame, or deceit. The gift is glimpsing their nature and exposing yours protected from a penalty for doing so.

This hidden core either propels or confines but remains a third or fourth party to the relationship. As a result, most actions will hit the projection but miss the target.

Are you adhering to obsolete and antiquated images that form a projection that comforts you while deceiving others? Or maybe it restricts you while comforting others. Do you cling to that which is familiar but of little benefit, a prisoner of expectations?

 

Are you still guarding the fox hole when the matter has been determined long ago to be no longer contested as to who and what you are? How much time will you trick off pretending while mostly fooling yourself? Acceptance of you starts with you, the same as accountability and responsibility.

Will it be kept one thousand protecting the smothering masquerade or changed to release the unfulfilled real identity and expectations of yourself? Achieving a compromise or change must be directed toward securing a satisfactory outcome for the real problem or fear, your authenticity. You might have to accept their’s as well since the mirror is a projection and a reflection.

The more concessions you receive, the greater level of satisfaction you have. Consequently, what compromises or accommodations are you willing to give in return to maintain that level? Thus, a balance is created by transferring equitable preferences received in exchange for mutual satisfaction.

It is a give-to-get theory, but it may call for change or a willingness to change. Your actions then become a negotiated understanding by your benefit received.

A mutual understanding of this is the motivation to adhere to an acceptable level of conduct to receive the agreed-upon consideration in return. The cost comes in many forms, and payments are accepted in many more forms. The exchange is transactional for that thing you do.

Do you still expect the exchange without providing the value? Is it a stubbornness of expectations that prevents you from producing an exchange that improves the value of your association with each other?

First, let us examine why things might be the way they are or have been to evaluate if logic guided these responses and behaviors or errant emotions and deceit. We can then assess the changes we have control over.

So let us take it back before it goes wrong. Remember when we were motivated to impress a long time ago. As a result, we improved to be more alluring and the best adaptation of ourselves to attract our expectations. Was the change real or deceitful? This creates the very reasons we do the things we do, the why, and how or with whom we do them. 

Time reinforces distortions that magnify and create most insecurities, leading to a voluntary forbearance of our needs based on anticipated returns. Therefore, it builds dissatisfaction while craving a resolution to satisfy the void, the unfulfilled expectation.

It is human nature to feel a deficiency and have a corresponding emotional disposition. Thus, the feeling of lack is embraced as recognition of a void craving greater satisfaction. Accordingly, a desire to the addiction of expectations surrendered may develop.

It requires expressing our very nature to avoid feeling unable to give or maybe unworthy of receiving by refusal to express or reveal ourselves. It flows freely when given purely and is humbling when overflowingly received. This is the nectar illustrating what once was could be restored for just the tiny concession of change.

We must simply realize that the change in the relationship I am referring to is the one with ourselves. The internal influencing the external. Therefore, the changes are the ones we need to make within ourselves, influencing the change in others. However, their evolution may never come.

If they only would have changed have been adjusted as denial to justify our inaction. This blame perspective does not assert accountability over ourselves as the persuasion for others to recognize our value. If not, we can not blame others for the decisions we refuse to make.

A fresh start is frequently needed for rejuvenation or liberation to unleash our uninhibited expression. It requires breaking free from previous masquerades of restrictive expectations and behaviors. It requires making a choice.

Is it cheaper to keep our situations, projections, and perspectives devoid of the joy and exhilaration of self-expression? The beneficial effect on ourselves, others, and the quality of our relationships and life being hostage to an image, an imposter?

The power, control, and responsibility for our feelings or behavior remain our own. Therefore, in addition to being accountable for what we do or fail to do, we must refuse any obligation to be responsible for someone else’s. Instead, are we giving what we are seeking to receive, making a self-assessment to determine what is desirable, and implementing what it requires.

The change we would want the most is probably the one we need to make the most. So, double the improvement, solving two issues with one change.

First, holding ourselves to a standard of determination and perspective to portray ourselves without misconceptions seeking validation from others for their permission to be us. Secondly, our perspective dictates our mood, consequently controlling our mood controls our behavior.

A willingness to change by improving, evolving, growing, reinventing, pursuing, expressing, challenging, and in other words living without self-restricting doubts or perfection.

Accepting our uniqueness and insecurities as an unfinished work in progress reassures the only person we need to convince, and that is us. As humans, we all have limitations, so accept them but improve them.

Like wearing new clothes that make us feel good, a fresh perspective and self-fulfillment can work wonders, and we can wear them every day. But, initially, a shake-up of old self-defeating unfulfilling restrictions has to occur. Much like outdated gear, that has to go, especially if it is a loose fit or, worst, way too restricting.

Be sure not to become the very thing you despise the most and bring dissatisfaction upon yourself by refusing to change. Your level of contentment rests with your adaptability to your environment to attract your desired preferences that reflect your expectations.

Don’t flatter yourself. What is not attractive in others is no more somehow attractive in you. It is a difference between a classic antique and just plain outdated.

Start by eliminating excuses and becoming what you want to be by sacrificing the required effort to become self-fulfilling and authentic. That will be the best relationship you have ever had.

Do not be that person where it is said behind your back, of course, that you are no bed of roses. No matter what, don’t be the biggest problem in your life because you cannot change. Keeping those negative attributes is never cheaper to keep em when you add them up. Bothering to change is much better.

Keep in mind this is not gender-oriented but people-specific, where one size fits all changes. 

 

Thurston K. Atlas
Creating A Buzz

 

Diluted Justice and Pure Morality

Judgement Day- Home Team always Win 

Justice and Morality are as old as civilization and communal survival aiding in the coexistence of different norms. They often are confused with each other because both are sometimes present at the same time. They are really just both agreed-upon social norms that provide society’s guidelines and govern the restrictions of its members.

Justice aspires to punish wrongful acts and distribute fairness ethically. However, morality is more concerned with good or bad and right or wrong in principle. The question then becomes who sets the standard and how binding it is for all to follow or submit to as an arbitrarily accepted social standard.

They are really close in definition but not in practice, application, or agreement. Under some circumstances, it remains the same and, in others, has an entirely other interpretation based on who is observing or practicing it. It can be virtuous over here while prudish over there.

The variations of each are endless and fluid, but some are consistent within a range or scope of understanding and, at times, baffling. A duality of the same condition by definition diluted is weakened in strength or lessened purity while pure is unadulterated or without dilution or contamination.

Let’s get to the point without any emotional blinders or folks head jumping time over concepts that their mind or experiences refuse to give allowance for to understand that their adherence to the home team undermines the strength and clarity of their assertions and positions.

It is more of a reflection of where your feet are and the conditioned or adopted perspective that results from a liberal or conservative application of your reality to impose your truth upon others. Liberals generally live and let live while conservatives hold tight to adherence and dissemination of their perspectives upon others. It is many times a cognitive dissonance ignoring the discord between philosophy and application.

In actuality, neither can be an absolute truth. Still, justice and morality can be a more inclusive comprehensive display of the virtue and veracity of your perspective that separates yours from opposing ones but strangely enough align them on common ground.

If we are outraged by attacks on the police, then we should be equally outrage by attacks on civilians by the police. If we are outraged by the police killing black and brown, we have to be outraged by black and brown killing each other. The blade cuts both ways with integrity as the dividing denominator.

When your politician or political party has been in lockstep with racist or divisive rhetoric for many, and you have fully or partially embraced that, then you dilute your hypocritical view that someone else is supporting division by their words or actions.

You cannot be silent when it is the home team and criticize the opposition for the same or similar things. You see, this is where the justice becomes diluted and the Morality less than pure. When you set the table and prepare the meal, you lose credibility to complain and deny your transgressions while bemoaning others.

The caterpillar’s knowledge is defined by the confines of its cocoon, unable to see beyond its perspective or limitations. The butterfly is transformed by expanding and shedding its limited existence to a sphere of expanded consciousness and possibilities.

The human perspective and experience are much the same in a micro or macrocosm of reality as you expand outward from your cocoon of a singular view towards a transformative multi-sensory one. It reflects the contemporary evolution of thought and perspective that is the adaptation of survival in a larger cocoon or radius of understanding.

There is a distinct difference between compromise and being compromised, between concession and surrender. If a majority sets justice and Morality as a social norm, then it would stand to reason the same dynamic should be used to change it in the adaption of a different standard.

Look at domestic violence and its acceptability that traumatized generations of women and children, once a social norm and even encouraged. Its acceptability has run its course, and while it is still a reality, it is condemned for the despicable act of self-hatred projected outwardly victimizing vulnerable targets masquerading your cowardly inadequacies and lack of self-control as dominance.

The same is valid with these moral judgments and racial prejudices on who do not deserve the same considerations as you because, in all your righteousness, their culture is not yours. Most people’s fortune or misfortune is simply a matter of to whom and where they were born.

It was not their choice of who, when, where, what culture, advantages, or disadvantages they were born into. It was not your choice what education, principles, or demons your parents struggled with or suffered from. There are times when it is not even yours regarding yourself, but even if born in the lowlands, you can scale the peak.

It is a mix and match, but there are plenty that we claim credit for that was the pure luck of the draw, a sort of social genetics. Be careful of judgments and values we place on others because of despair for our challenges or lack of gratitude for our blessings.

The pandemic should have taught us all something about how our circumstances can change overnight through no fault of our own to find ourselves in a food line, business or career obliterated, or the shoes tight and the purse-string light. Comparisons are always dangerous and usually an exercise in subjective status in a derogatory manner.

It gets real really fast when we become them, and these are the shoes we now walk in, or we ride in the struggle buggy for the first time. So it is all the same application to a different situation. So when we judge by a certain measure, we must make sure we do not fall short of being judged by the same measure. So when your words condemn others, make sure your actions don’t condemn yourself.

It would only stand to reason that to protest for social justice, against systemic racism, and denounce racial inequality are absolute legit demands. Still, we must also flip the coin and hold ourselves to a level of accountability that does not dilute the integrity of our demands or promote the impurity of other’s morality.

We must handle our end of the table, which we have control over. We control our spoon while we must cajole others into managing theirs. That within our power, we must grab holt of and correct while continuing to demand our humanity from others but let’s also require and demonstrate that ourselves.

They are two different things but closely related, and I believe interdependent upon each other. I trust that the better we treat ourselves and each other, the more our internal communal dynamics will improve with or without external help.

The dreaded talk that black and brown parents have with our children needs to expand beyond the usual topics to include their behavior and ours. We can only hope that white families have a dreaded talk with their children beyond the sphere of their cocoon.

The same criteria applied to Chauvin and many other cases of excessive use of force by police must be applied to the senseless excessive use of force by us against us in our communities which is equally terrifying and on a larger scale.

We cannot allow ourselves to be numb to the conditions in our midst that are claiming so many of our people, especially our young people. It reminds me of the saying that even if you have old tattered clothes, they should still be clean clothes.

If this is where we start and is all we got, then we have to make the best of it, and it will bear crop in the harvest season with cultivation, patience, and time. The struggle is real out there but also within here. If we suffer the most, then we need to find solutions for our generational provisions and safety.

We need change, theirs and ours. By whoever it applies, each taking their transgressions out of the equation or conversation of social dysfunction. Let’s give them something else to talk about, whoever they are. Peace, prosperity, and wisdom to the people that justice and morality will become less subjective to emotions and perspectives but aligned with unwavering integrity, progress, and resolve.

With that said, let me ask a question if the prevailing racial strife and circumstance had different parties inserted, then would it change the perception, or would the same hold true.

For example, insert black, gang bangers, or opps instead of the police within the situations mentioned playing out in the inner cities across too much of this country. Would that not be just as unacceptable and disgraceful, maybe even more so because it would be us doing it to us. Injustice or murder should not change according to who and where it is done.

The expectations have to be condemnation even when committed by us if the anticipation is for accountability for actions. It should not be judged by who is doing it but by what is being done. Then it would stand to reason that our outrage has to be focused on the act and the perpetrator, or at some point, our validity and impact diminishes of demanding better.

It is the parable of the goose and the gander; it should be the same with different players and with the same standard applied. Consider how many black lives would be saved if the two scenarios met in the middle and were lessened, but we control our communities.

Protest is cool against the system but let’s play our position on the opposite end to display love, patience, and change. The change demanded from others; we must demand from ourselves and reframe from that which alibis police use of force and irregularities. 

It will not eliminate their behavior, but it will lessen our contribution to it, making it evident and irrefutable to any misconduct. Some changes we seek without must be the change we are willing to create within. Giving no concession to inequality by keeping our knees straight, our backs unbent, our character intact, and our perseverance soaring in pursuit of our humanity and pure justice from a diluted morality.

We are not victims or survivors; we are warriors in pursuit of our humanity armed with intellect and integrity that does not require anyone’s permission. The resolution resides in time and commitment now so that the following generations can shed the disparaging and condescending cloaks of racial biases and economic gloom.

A strong ten-year commitment followed by another ten-year cultivation period will make tremendous permanent strides like the mighty oak, which grows into its strength over time. The seeds are the children raised to know no other way, feel no other way, or accept no other way because you can only feel inferiority if it resides in you.

Racism’s historical ramifications must be exposed, adjudicated, and conquered, but being a resilient people, it is not preventive of our ascension and perseverance. It can only be if we allow it to be; it is the victim mindset of despair and submission every time we ask for permission.

Therefore, just as we band together to protest against these evils, let us collaborate to establish our humanity adhering to our own social norms, which embrace each other.

If freedom is free, then we are free to frame our destiny. Enforcing justice and morality in our communities, creating social norms more in line with our integrity, desires, and prosperity can be done by us to better police ourselves.

Thurston K. Atlas

Creating A Buzz